My Dearest Valentine
Honey and I never really participated in this holiday. She thought the very idea of putting aside a single day to express your feelings to the most important person in your life was ludicrous. She and I loved one another and expressed that every day. Our first year together, I made a card and bought the traditional flowers and candy.
My honey hugged me, kissed me and giggled. Squeezing me tighter, she grinned and told me she'd be right back. I thought she was retrieving a similar offering...instead she brought back a shoe box and started taking out little trinkets and notes I'd left her throughout the year. Pictures of goofy things we'd done for each other and ticket stubs of events and movies we'd attended. Turning back to me, she'd taken my face in her hands and kissed me harder before pulling away to look into my eyes, saying.
“I'm the most loved girl EVER! I'm blessed with the way you love me...you make all my days Valentines!”
We'd held each other and I realized I too had a “goody” box of notes and daily memories. My girl always put me first. When our schedules allowed, she greeted me at the door, smiling and with a kiss. Tucked me in (I worked nights) and made sure I wanted for nothing. We took care of each other happily and it was an equal partnership.
What makes me sad today is the memory of this time last year. She was in the middle of a chemo treatment and as it happened, on Valentines she awoke with a real appetite. I told her we'd go wherever she wanted and she choose a seafood place. As I watched her eat crab legs and lobster covered in butter, I took pictures and video clips. She surprised me with a card that inside contained a letter expressing her love. Looking back, I think she knew even then it would be our last.
Still she ate with gusto, we laughed and spoke of our dreams and the future. There was never any quit in my girl.
I woke up very early and have read that card and letter a dozen times...Lord how I miss you. Your dazzling smile, the tickle of your hair and the scent of you near me. All of the tiniest things that made up our love which fulfilled and sustained me dear, are highlighted today. I don't know so many things...
I'd never envisioned my life without you in it and even now I sometimes reach for you in the middle of the night...and each time I'm still shocked to find you gone. I've completed most of your wishes my girl. I take comfort in that...and hope that somehow you know and still feel me and my love for you.
I return to work in two days. The months have blurred by and I know in my heart that I was well and deeply loved....you told me a heart well loved is a life well lived. I know it's true otherwise it wouldn't hurt so very much.
Still now and always, my sweet honey...my Valentine.