A sweet honey update....Our trip last week was a wonderful time spent with family, culminating with a four day camping trip. It was a bucket list check for my girl and she was simply ecstatic to have been able to enjoy this adventure. She ate well and had good energy for most of our time. By Saturday, she was forced to rest more and on our return Sunday, she slept for the majority of the day. This continued through Monday and I (we) simply assumed she'd overdone it a bit...we were right and simultaneously, wrong.
As the first of our grown children arrived Tuesday, it quickly became apparent that she'd taken a turn for the worse. She no longer has the strength to even cross the room with assistance. The effort required to simply to sit up and attend to her lungs and change her clothing leaves her breathless and panicky...a portable toilet was delivered and it takes all her strength to use it. An assault on her dignity and her pride...she still fights...so damn hard for every inch this insidious disease takes from her but it's becoming ever more costly. In pain...in torment...even her memories are beginning to be affected and this perhaps most of all, is the worst of it.
I am so incredibly proud of her. Awed by her tenacity and her strength and determination....by her capacity to love so fiercely and care so deeply that everyone she meets bask in that beacon of hope and optimism...and as selfishly as I want to cling to her...enough. I pray now only for enough time for her to see our other son, who flies in tomorrow and her family that is assembling this Sunday for her. Please God...give her this and release her from this torment. Enough.
My eldest son, David has been a pillar of strength...he has his mothers heart and her stubbornness. Like his father, he tries very hard not to let his mother see his tears...we've both failed at that on occasion this week. We have work to do...a hospital bed is being delivered today, so we've got to rearrange the living room to accommodate it. My honey loves to see the outdoors and the large sliding glass window will best allow that...we'll make it happen.
I thought I was beyond tears...but every still moment finds me wracked with them. Shaking uncontrollably for long moments of anguish...and rage at that which I cannot change. So....I write....when I can.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. It truly has been a blessing and a harbor for us both. I'll continue to add honey-ism's as I can...I have no idea of what comes next...I know the inevitable...but I'm just numb beyond that.
As always and ever...my indomitable honey, sends her love.