A honey-ism...On
this long weekend most of us try to get in that last camping trip or
other favorite outdoor activity. The weather can be contrary this
time of year as true summer begins to ebb and fall isn't yet fully
upon us. The night are cooler and it's the perfect time to leave the
windows open at night...my sweet girl was always wistful this time of
year. Being a sun bunny, she loved being outdoors but enjoyed the
brilliant colors of fall too.
Our small deck was
where she'd spent most of her final time here on earth...and since
her passing, I've not been able to cross that threshold...until
yesterday. Saturday was spent furiously cleaning the upper level of
our condo. I deep cleaned everything in
preparation for my upcoming surgeries. I even managed to uncover her
elliptical machine (where I'd draped all her coats and light
jacket's) and put her clean and folded clothes into the dresser
downstairs, along with the assorted foot wear, left scattered in our
bedroom and laundry room. These small task took an inordinate amount
of time to complete...it was a tearful and heart wrenching
experience...and I still cannot bring myself to take down her
bathroom robes or the numerous cooking aprons hanging as they always
have...it took most of the day and left me in a funk...but honey and
I had a rule...you are allowed ONE day on the pity pot...only ONE in
any given week, no matter the circumstances.
So...Sunday
morning, with her stern whisper in my heart, I set out to complete
some of the task I'd been putting off (mending some pant's) and was
determined to use our grill to make steaks and chicken for the
upcoming week. Returning from the store, I'd prepped the meat and
then turned my attention to the pack of needles and thread I'd
bought. I couldn't find honey's kit and truthfully just couldn't make
myself look very hard. A word here....as a young man, my father had
taught us the basics of sewing. Simple stuff...but I'd not actually
done any sewing in DECADES. I had a pair of tactical pants that
needed a button put back on and a pair of jeans with a broken belt
loop. Easy right? I'd certainly thought so....
First
off, threading the damn needle itself proved to an exercise in
patience worthy of a saint! I didn't remember the holes being that
small! After muttering
oaths under my breath for nearly twenty minutes...success! I pushed
the needle effortlessly through the material and plopped the button
right over it...easy peasy...EXCEPT for when I tried to repeat the
process....for the next half hour, I poked my damn finger TWICE,
broke the thread once and ended up with a fishing spool looking snarl
on the backside that I managed to tie down and secure...who's gonna
see it, right? The belt loop??? Holy frick'n, mother pucker!!!! :o(
Two bent needles, three poked finger's AND a thigh!!! The pant's very
nearly went to the grill...I was seriously considering setting them
on FIRE! All the while, I swear I could hear faint snickering...my
honey would've been rolling. I know she'd have rescued me after the
first (maybe the second) blood letting... but she'd have giggled the
whole time!
I
knew there was a reason I'd outsourced this sorta thing....
So
after bandaging my sore fingers, I had two completed (albeit
bloodstained) pair of pants repaired...FYI...anybody asks and you can
bet there'll be a better tale for the bloodstains than the truth! ;o)
Grilling
and the making of the sides (Fried potatoes with onions and garlic
sweet peas) was a bittersweet experience. We'd always done these
things together...and while I'd enjoyed the meal (I have TON'S of
left overs!) it left me melancholy. I'm not much of a drinker...two
“girlie” beer's and I've usually had enough...but sipping one as
the sun went down, I'd watched the contrails of a high altitude jet
and thought of my girl...yes, there where a few tears...but they
where mostly from good memories...lot's of them...of similar evenings
shared together. Lying on lawn chairs or a blanket on the ground,
hand in hand and just...being.
As
the stars came out; I realized I'd been staring upwards for some
time. The jet was long gone and my tears had dried but the memories
of my sweet girl left a warmth in my heart and a wisp of a smile on
my face...I feel you baby. Alway and forever my honey...
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