I have a dog....like
lots of people. The thing is MY dog is a traitor-is, tattle-telling piece of
stuff! He's seventy pounds of red-heeler and under cover spy all rolled into a
short haired, cat clawed, boxy faced goof-ball!
I work second shift, so
I get home late. Usually after mid-night. I'm a good owner, (That's MASTER to
you mutt!) I take him out to do his business. I give him treats, scratch his
ears, show him all the coolest Elvis moves; you know...all the expected stuff.
So I've been doing
these long hours...I'm tired. I don't want to fix a meal, I'm bored with the
plan...so I think...hey...ONE little fast food foray can't hurt..RIGHT?!
So.. I come in last
night; fast, greasy, deliciousness filled bag in hand. Honey's asleep...she'll
never know....The animal and I share my drive thru bounty, (SEE, great MASTER!)
we both are smacking our lips and rolling our eyes in delight. I finish up and
put the ill gotten goods DEEP in the trash, cause you all know, guys are
AWESOMELY sneaky like that!
I go into the den, to
start my evening ritual of browsing the blogs and writing a bit to unwind. Time
passes and I hear from our bedroom in the back, my hairy buddies LOUD voice...
"ARH ROWL OWWL
OOOOOOHHHH!" Damn dog! He's gonna wake up the girlie!
I rush to the bedroom
and what do I find? Not only is he standing on the bed, howling and talking
like he's channeling Lassie, he's brought the thrown away bag WITH him!!!
Honey is of course now
awake and squinting at the grinning back stabber and looking at the crumpled
mess on the covers.
"What's all
this?" she says, scratching the bloated beast.
Blank faced, I reply.
"Stupid damn dog
ran off and went to the drive-thru with my wallet. BAD DOG!" I point at
him. "GIT off my bed!" I shoo him away and pick up the trash. The
canine goober, snarls his lip and smirks at me as he jumps down.
"UH_HUH. Did he
share with you?" Honey asks yawning.
"Well, uh..maybe a
bite or two..but HE ATE all the fries!" I exclaim.
Honeys hair is
dis-arrayed and she still looks beautiful even while rolling her sleepy eyes.
The dog, chuffs in
disagreement and wonders back to her side of the bed, full faced grin and
tongue lolling happily to one side. Stupid butt-head....
She pat's my belly.
"It's on you
boy..." another yawn. "You know what rich food does to HIS belly. If
he makes a mess, YOU clean it up!" Scratching the offending critter, she
tells him.."Good boy!" and turns to go back to sleep.
We leave the room and I
softly close the door...feeling guilty at my weakness and my attempts to cover
it up....DAMN DOG!
I go back to the den,
stoically refusing to interact with the pooch. As I return to my chair, he sits
beside me and looking RIGHT at me, farts then grins as if promising a gift
later...
"Do it, and I'll
feed it back to you, ya hound!" I tell him.
Grunting in response, he
settles to the floor and is snoring in minutes...man's best friend...PHHTTT!
So..be careful my friends...someone is always watching...and the mirror, if
nothing else..will tell on you!
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